Tuesday, June 15, 2010
1:16 AM
Water Wiggle
One summer, the owner of Howard's (a local retail store that was like Walmart only much smaller) found himself indebted to my dad for security services and the store was short on cash so he made a deal with my dad wherein we were allowed to go there and pick out any merchandise we wanted for free as long as we didn't exceed the amount owed to my dad. I thought that was aMAzing!!! I immediately thought of a million toys that I was sure my parents would want to buy for me. Oh, and because the pool was scheduled to open in a few days, I also requested a new bathing suit. I can't remember where Bernie was that day but I don't think he went with us. I think that instead, my parents picked out some things for him. (Where were you that day, Bernie?) So I was the only one to go with mom and dad to the store. Unfortunately, my parents weren't as keen on the idea of spending our free shopping spree on toys as I was so instead, they told me that I could pick out ONE new toy and one new bathing suit. It wasn't so bad though because they said I could have a bigger toy than I would normally be allowed to have on a day that was not my birthday or Christmas. Score!
After hours of searching, demo'ing, and deciding, I finally decided that I would ask for a Water Wiggle. They were the new water toy that year and I had seen them on the commercials and wanted one. This was my one opportunity to get one so I took it. Mom and dad agreed to buy it for me and I could barely contain my excitement for the drive home because I knew I was going to put on my new bathing suit and play with my water wiggle as soon as I got there.
On the commercial, the water wiggle practically came alive and chased kids around the yard, squirting cool, delightful water all over them.
But commercials are commercials and reality is reality. When you're a kid pinning all of your playday hopes on the claims you heard on a commercial, you're in for a sucky, poopy day.
My water wiggle did not come alive when I turned the water on. In fact, it didn't do anything. It just laid there on the ground, squirting water onto the grass. That's it. No matter how much water I pushed through it, the water wiggle refused to make even the slightest attempt at living up to it's hype. I was so, SO disappointed. Not only had I really wanted a water wiggle but I had also wasted my once-in-a-lifetime shopping spree gift on something that didn't work any better than a regular garden hose.
On the commercial, the water wiggle practically came alive and chased kids around the yard, squirting cool, delightful water all over them.
But commercials are commercials and reality is reality. When you're a kid pinning all of your playday hopes on the claims you heard on a commercial, you're in for a sucky, poopy day.
My water wiggle did not come alive when I turned the water on. In fact, it didn't do anything. It just laid there on the ground, squirting water onto the grass. That's it. No matter how much water I pushed through it, the water wiggle refused to make even the slightest attempt at living up to it's hype. I was so, SO disappointed. Not only had I really wanted a water wiggle but I had also wasted my once-in-a-lifetime shopping spree gift on something that didn't work any better than a regular garden hose.
Hard lesson learned.
I'd like to tell you that that day was a turning point of sorts in terms of my retail savvy education but the truth is that I bought a lot more bogus crap over the next 10 or 30 years but that is not because I was slow in learning the wicked ways of the world or anything. LOL I was just selflessly offering those advertising execs ample opportunity to see the error of their ways and make a change in direction to the straight and narrow. I'm just giving like that.
And if you believe that, then I've got an excitingly amazing, slightly used water toy I'd like to sell you.
LOL